Basic lessons for men on pregnancy mood swings

I am five months pregnant and I can’t stand my boss for no apparent reason. Every time I see him walk into the office, I feel like confronting him over flimsy things. I am told that these mood swing are normal but I fear that I could eventually hurt my career.
Recently, I asked to be transferred from the sales department but he refused. This has annoyed me and however much I would like to control my moods, I feel I could break down. Is there a way out of it?

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Your question is likely to bring tears of understanding from some female readers who can, with ease, resonate with your predicament.

Sadly, some men will dismiss it, insisting that pregnancy is a natural state and all you have to do is pull yourself together, and after four more months, all will be back to normal. How wrong such men are! If only they knew.

Allow me to address a rather unusual topic, that of man’s health.

John Grant is a doctor who has specialised in men’s mental health. His book, published in 2007, examines presentations in which men suffer from mental disorders, in ways that are different from females.

Whether one looks at childhood, adolescence or even old age, men suffer illness in ways that are often different from women. A visit to a drug treatment centre will confirm that men are more likely than women to be admitted for drug and alcohol addiction. The rates of drug abuse in men are much higher, and often associated with a higher incidence of violence.

Special challenges

It is also known that men have earlier drinking related accidents and arrests than women. Their coping skills are poorer than those of women, and, perhaps, not surprisingly, they have more school and work related problems. Worse, they do not seem to recognise the effect it all has on families and, unlike women, hardly recognise family problems due to alcohol.

One could go on to discuss the special challenges men have, including erectile dysfunction, orgasmic disorders, problems within marriage, if only to illustrate that ignorance is the order of the day with respect to mental health in men. Men are as human as you, even in their ignorance of the physiology of pregnancy. Many need help but are too afraid to seek it while others die due to lack of knowledge.

On your “mood swings” in pregnancy, let me assure you that many women go through what you are experiencing, and if I am to believe what I have been told, the joy of holding one’s newborn baby makes all mothers glad that they endured the suffering they went through.

For a lay person, pregnancy is a fairly straightforward matter of a woman losing her shape, getting a large tummy, complaining of nausea, and later tiredness and eventually going into labour, and soon all is done.

As any medical student will confirm, pregnancy is a very complex balancing act, in which different chemical reactions take place, first to ensure that the egg and sperm meet in the right place, and time, but more importantly that after fertilisation, this new “foreign body” is not rejected by the mother.

Indeed, unknown to most, many pregnancies are aborted by nature because of many different reasons, including hormonal imbalance. Others are lost because the embryo has a major malformation of one type or another that is incompatible with life.

The sudden and dramatic increase in oestrogen and progesterone allow the pregnancy to proceed, but can also be responsible for the mood swings. Not only are mood swings in evidence but physical changes such as weight gain, changes in gait, as well as the curvature of the back bear testimony to the war that is going on between the new and the old state.

To complicate her life, the pregnant mother soon starts to retain fluids. Her legs swell, her heart works extra, and, in time, all manner of exercises becomes difficult. For some, even walking is hard.

Unknown to many men, and in addition to the so-called morning sickness (not always in the morning), some women experience changes in their sense of smell, taste, and even sight. Some eat rocks.

A number of them would walk up to ant hills and make a feast of the soil. We now know that some women lose hair while others have more hair growth than they would like.

Breasts enlarge with dark nipples while others get stretch marks. Many are the physiological, physical and emotional changes that take place in pregnancy. Men must understand some of the changes due to pregnancy include preferences that could change. So men must adjust their expectations as the pregnancy grows.

A few years ago, a woman told me each pregnancy is unique in its likes and dislikes. Sometimes, she said, one will dislike the husband to a point the mention of his name drives her into a fit of anger. Like you, her earlier pregnancy led to hating the boss, but the first one was linked more to food than anything else.

This rather lengthy answer is intended to tell you that you are, most likely, normal but your boss should also understand that even he might have special mental health needs.

If he made himself available to basic knowledge, both you and him will reap the fruits of patience.