Conflict is important for growth and evolution, both from a personal and business perspective.
We tend to think of conflict as a bad thing and do our best to avoid it. It tends to make many of us feel uncomfortable. However conflict is a necessary part of performance and creativity.
Conflict is important for growth and evolution, both from a personal and business perspective.
It is therefore safe to say that it is not conflict that is the problem; it is the way we deal with it.
Conflict activates our flight or fight response, which tends to play out in the passive or aggressive approach most people take.
The flight response leads to passive behaviour, where we run away and hide, therefore avoid any conflict situation.
The upside of this is that we have temporary peace and possibly give the situation a chance to blow over.
However the long-term impact of passive behaviour towards conflict, is that the situation is never dealt with, resentment builds which ultimately damages the relationship.
The fight response causes the aggressive reaction, where the perceived threat is dealt with through a combative approach to help protect yourself. This is usually played out through shouting, frustration or saying hurtful things.
In the short-term this may feel good and you may feel as if you have won that battle, however it is likely that you will be left with some guilt and have impacted your reputation as well as the relationship negatively.
Psychologist, Dr Bruce Tuckman talked about the Stages of Team Development in 1965, where he shared that in the Storming stage of team development, conflict is really important for the team to be able to progress to the next stage and get to Performing. He suggests that leaders should prepare for conflict and encourage it.
Simply put, conflict is really just when one persons desires and wants are different from your own. Yet the emotions that conflict evoke, make the situation a lot more challenging that it needs to be.
So, as a leader, how do you create an environment that provides a safe space for constructive conflict? Here are some ideas:
Shift your mindset
Instead of viewing conflict as something we should run a mile from, view it as something necessary for personal and business growth. See it as a positive thing.
Openly encourage conflict
Create a work environment where healthy conflict is encouraged by setting clear expectations. Make sharing opinions and healthy debate an expectation and norm. As a leader role model this behaviour.
Emphasise common goals
Ensure your teams are clear and engaged with the common goals. Therefore when differences arise, there is a level of trust that everyone is heading in the same direction and working towards the same end result.
Recognise and reward
Acknowledge and thank people for taking a stand and disagreeing with the group. Be sure to also call out the negative and destructive behaviours.
Explore different perspectives
Ask questions to seek clarification and understand the other perspective. Invite your team to support their opinions with data and facts.
Ground rules and skills
Create ground rules that outline the behaviour expected in the team. Provide your employees with the skills and frameworks to help them manage conflict in a healthy way.
Focus on Trust
Conflict is easier and more constructive in a trusting relationship. Conflict becomes destructive when egos, fear and frustration get in the way. Either feeling unheard or thinking that the other person doesn’t deserve to be heard.
However, if we take a positive approach towards conflict, aim to find a win-win and have open and honest conversations, the likely outcome is going to be stronger.
Kent is founder and owner of Redstone Consulting that focus on leadership development and performance management
