“I work in a small-sized office, but I am always upset by an extremely nosy supervisor who thrives on gossip and petty back-stabbing. How do I handle this?”
You sound like a very angry person! Your office is small, your boss is nosy and you are clearly not happy with the “gossip and back-stabbing” that is going on around you. What else are you not happy about? Are you angry with God because the rain makes you wet on the way from work; is it the landlord who expects his rent even before you are paid your salary; you might also be unhappy with the way your spouse squeezes the toothpaste in a random way or even the way he/she chews food loudly.
If you are that way inclined, perhaps it is the women in Church who constantly gossip about the pastor’s wife, or perhaps one who is constantly angry with the slow speeds of the internet! In a word, are you one of those people who are sad and cranky all day long?
The story of a man who was born determined to be sad all his life will illustrate the point, and might lead you to self-reflection.
In his late seventies, he found himself alone and lonely because the people he had thought were friends turned out to have been no more than acquaintances.
The man had led a distinguished career as an engineer, and had retired to the life aspired to by many young men and women.
He was a member of all the leading clubs, was always smartly dressed in expensive clothes from leading European stores and rode in the latest German cars. His driver was always in a well cut suit (uniform) and wore a cap to match.
The few who had visited the man at home, described a very clean and well-furnished house. The fluffy wall to wall carpet was complemented by leather-covered sofa sets, surrounded by light-coloured but heavy curtains whose colours came alive against the lights that so perfectly rested above the curtain rails.
It was reported that his wife left him after 10 years of marriage because she could not stand his obsession with order.
In their earlier days, the then young woman had fallen in love with this man’s orderliness.
He was obsessed by a number of things, including time keeping and cleanliness. She admired him because a date at 1pm meant 1pm, not 1.01pm.
At lunch, he knew exactly what he wanted to eat, and knew the menu almost by heart, including the names and origins of all the different wines.
He was so knowledgeable and kind that he knew exactly what she needed to eat and drink. At first this was a sign of love. Later she understood it for what it truly was, a sign of his wish to take full control of her.
Their bedroom became a place of great misery within a few years. Not only had the bed to be made in a particular way, the flowers or stripes of the bed sheets had to be perfectly aligned. If at bedtime a flower or stripe was other than perfectly aligned, the whole bed had to be undone and order restored.
The bathroom was a place of greater order, with all his personal things placed exactly as he wanted them. Wardrobes and dressing table were similarly places of great order. Their sexual relationship was run according to a set calendar and order of events as determined by him on Sunday evening during dinner.
After she left him, she blossomed, met another man, married and lived a happy and fulfilling family life, without the harrowing orderliness of the man who was born to be unhappy.
Part of the success of this man’s life as an engineer was precisely the reason of his failure as a human being in relationships.
The exactness required in design and the precision that ensures the safety of bridges and aeroplanes we all trust so much is not to be found in normal human beings who mostly behave with “normal” human flexibility in life.
The woman who left the engineer led a happy life upon leaving him. He on the other had ended up alone and miserable because no friend or employee was able to withstand the pressure of strict adherence to his rules and regulations.
Before you dismiss your supervisor as a bad person, take a look at yourself and see if you might be the problem. A little flexibility in social relationships can take you a long way.
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