Heritage

I am starting a gym regimen of four sessions every week

gym

Instructor says ‘ideal weight’ requires losing up to 30 kilos for monthly fee of Sh25,000. PHOTO | FILE

There is a part of me that is enjoying being home on sick-off. To begin with, the headaches have really subsided and I am beginning to feel like my old self.

The doctor told me that one of the reasons for my illness was the fact that I do not work out. So last week, I signed on to the gym. It came as  a huge shock to me to realise that I clearly have missed the boat in terms of physical activity.

Within the first half-hour of being there, I bumped into three of my friends from college. They looked so different.

One of them looked so lean and young and he spent  about 15 minutes telling me why. “Once I hit 30, I changed my life. I work out four times a week, I run marathons and I watch what I eat,” he told me.

He sounded like a fitness zealot. “I do not do carbs and I only drink light beers once a month.”

To be honest, I thought he was a bit over the top but I decided to compliment him and tell him jut how “amazing and young” he looked. 

After my chat, I had to have my “assessment” done by this menacing-looking instructor. The first step was the weigh-in which, ended with the trainer telling me I needed to loss close to 30 kilos “to be in the ideal weight range.” The rest was about taking dimensions  of my tummy, thighs, arms, the works.

The overall verdict was, ‘I need at least four intense sessions of cardio and weights and one long run every week.’

This all sounded draconian, especially when the instructor told me his fee. He told me that  for his exclusive personal training services, I would need to pay Sh25,000 a month. I was about to voice my thoughts when he said: “Well, it is either you pay this to me or to your doctor in medical bills.”

Figuring out that he had a point, I just decided to go for it because after all, I will be giving up drinking for a while (I hope). This paved the way for the first training session which was torture unlimited but I somehow felt good at the end of it all.

As I was walking out, I heard someone call my name and you can imagine my shock when I turned back and saw Gacheri.

She was wearing a skimpy outfit which accentuated her rather good body. She seemed pleased to see me and asked me, “When did you join?” I embellished my story somewhat leaving out the details about doctor’s orders and said: “I have decided to change my ways and be fit and hip these days.”

She seemed impressed and went on to tell me about her fitness regimen — what is it about people narrating their prowess in the gym?

Given the rates the gym was quoting, I could not help but wonder how Gacheri is able to pay for it.  So I found myself asking, “Kwani [Is it that] you got a job? How are you paying for this expensive place?”

She appeared not to take offence and said, “I knew you would ask me all that.”

She said: “I  met this guy who hooked me up to a job and who is now my ‘sponsor’.” 

Gacheri said “now my life is stress-free; I have a job and can afford the fine things, I even have a small car.”

She appeared unperturbed by it all, saying “you are a good fun Josphat but besides drinks and the bedroom, you had nothing to offer, I had to change.”

I did not know how to respond to this so I just laughed and said “anyway, let me go work out, we can connect sometime for old times sake.”
I was tongue-tied.