Question: Over the last few years, as the economic hardships have increased, several members of my extended family have become reliant on me. It has driven me into financial depression. How do I best end this without severing relations?
As I write this, I acknowledge the profound role our extended family plays in our African society. It's a community where children belong to everyone, and many of us can attest that the extended family's collective efforts shaped our lives, a true reflection of Ubuntu.
We are deeply indebted to the sacrifices our family members and society made to change our lives. This realisation fills us with a sense of gratitude and appreciation.
However, we must also ask ourselves, “What can be done differently?”. Let's explore ways to gradually reduce financial reliance while maintaining the strong bonds we cherish with our loved ones.
Develop a sustainable plan
While supporting your relatives is a noble idea, I would encourage you to have a financial plan that is sustainable in the long run.
Establish how much financial support you can comfortably afford to give without negatively impacting your financial planning.
You could also consider giving your family members a soft loan with clear payment terms for them to start a business. Such a business will ensure that you all have an income flow for the family while at the same time ensuring that there is shared responsibility.
Communication
Sometimes, lack of communication may hinder people from being realistic as they have financial expectations based on their assumptions.
Maybe your family members do not even understand the financial strain that you are experiencing and perhaps see you as a generous person.
It is good to wisely communicate your financial ability and what you can comfortably offer. Have a unified plan as a family to support the family so you do not bear the burden alone.
Remember to enforce clear boundaries and have clarity on what help you can offer and the timelines.
Please note that unrealistic expectations may lead to resentment between you and your family, and you need to act with haste.
Have a mindset change
George Bernard Shaw, a Nobel Prize laureate, once said, 'Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.'
This quote serves as a powerful reminder that you have the power to change your situation. You need to be open to adopting a different mindset and approach to effect transformation. This is not just a suggestion but a powerful tool that can empower you to make a difference.
Meaningful change begins with examining the factors that made your family rely so much on you, enabling you to devise a different approach.
For instance, if you realise that your family did not prioritise saving for the future or retirement, you can break this cycle by ensuring that you have such financial plans in place, thereby preventing further financial dependency.
Model better financial behaviour
Modelling is an effective teaching approach and can perfectly work in this situation. Demonstrate better financial discipline by how you live your life. For example, have a strict budget that you follow, and this habit will trickle down to the family members.
Also, remember to demonstrate how to resist the allure of living beyond your means, especially for younger family members. This way, you will teach the upcoming generation to be responsible and have a financial plan.
As we approach the festive season, we have also seen cases of people exhausting their finances and starting their new year with debts.
This begins an ending cycle of over-reliance on family members and financial strain.
Collaborate with your family on how to make better decisions and ensure accountability from both parties. Encourage your family members to have an emergency fund, take medical cover, and continuously enhance their skills to advance in their careers and finances.
Offer non-financial support
While sending your kindred money may solve some problems, non-financial support may be required.
Keenly assess the situation of the members: Are they young, educated or older, and employed? Is there a problem of substance abuse in your family?
Maybe you have siblings who have finished school and are yet to get employed. Affirm the need for your family to have a sound financial plan and save for the future to have less financial crisis and more abundance.
Once again, I commend you for supporting your family members, but that should not be detrimental to your financial stability.
