Your life is not meant to become a tool for someone else.
It’s time to declare yourself an independent individual.
"I want be my own man/woman”. Yes, if we each had a penny for every time we’ve heard these words spoken, we could erase world poverty in a heartbeat.
Take a moment to look around you. You will begin to realise that most people need something or someone outside of themselves to feel complete. That unfortunately paints a gloomy picture of most people’s level of self-confidence.
If you walk up to the next person, introduce yourself and ask who he or she is, you’ll be looking into a very confused face.
If the person recovers well enough from your question, you’ll get a name. Mary John, for example. Ask again; “who are you? Now you’ll be staring into a truly baffled face and then you’ll get a position at their work-place – Head of Emerging Markets (Sub-Saharan Territory).
Press on; with the same question and come face to face with reactions ranging from controlled amusement, mild irritation all the way to flat-out anger and everything in-between.
Our innermost need as humans is to actualise ourselves. Ourselves. Not our names, titles, status and so on. Sadly, we are programmed in the exact opposite way.
We are trained to be obedient, conform to what others expect of us, sit still, attain academic excellence, get a good job and work very hard at it, stay in our place and grow at pre-determined paces – the job-grades and levels that organisations use to organise us into groups for corporate human talent management expediency.
We are programmed to please others, and seek their approval. In fact, their approval as “the powers that be” is highly coveted because it normally comes en-suite with a promotion, bonus or some other reward that usually has material benefit.
There is evidently a set of “life rules” to abide by and a set course to follow. To go to school, attain good grades, get a good job, get married, have children and live a certain way.
We all know this well-patterned set of rules. We are taught to identify ourselves with things and situations that are already set. Set by other people, rarely ourselves.
And if we do not follow the path of this pre-destined programme in one way or another, we join others in deeming ourselves unsuccessful, under-performing or even downright unfortunate.
Your whole programming is designed to produce human products that perpetually need external approval acceptance and acclaim at the attainment of every milestone.
Your natural programming is to become wholesome in your own right in spite of the programming you have had. It is only then that you will be true to yourself and bring real value that others will happily pay your asking price. This is how you become your own man or woman.
This is how you grow from asking the question: “what do you do”? to understanding what the other person really is about. It is what makes the difference between wanting to know where the person you just met works and simply knowing how he or she adds value to life.
It is how you go from saying: “I am a Regional Programmes Manager in charge of seven countries in the Sub-Saharan region” to explaining that you are a professional analyst who helps profit-driven companies penetrate and expand their market-share in unchartered territories.
The common thread is that we are trained to live life from a place of need. We are trained to live life dependent on something outside ourselves to “complete”.
These are the lessons that are taught. Accepting these lessons like we have all done for years is akin to drafting our very own declaration of dependence.
It’s time to declare yourself an independent individual.
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