The power of a good example to children

I came back because the TV programme they were watching is not for my age….and they would not switch it off.
Christian Kanyatta, six-year-old pupil of Potter House School, Nairobi

Christian Kanyatta loves babies. As a result, she seeks to spend as much of her free time as she can with the little ones in her neighbourhood. One day she ran off to their neighbour’s house to hold and hopefully feed one.

She returned only a few minutes later and began to keep herself busy with a craft. Asked by her mother why she had returned so soon, Christian said “When I went, there was a programme on TV which is not for my age. When I asked Auntie to switch it off, she refused so I came back home.”

Christian, even at her young age, is aware of what was and what was not appropriate for a particular age. She knows what to watch out for in movies, regular TV programmes and cartoons. Whenever she is in doubt about the appropriateness of any feature, she quickly refers it to her parents for guidance.

Christian did not get to this state by chance. Her parents Zack and Nyakio made a decision not to watch television for a long period of time, choosing instead to restrict their three children to child-appropriate DVDs and to listening to news on radio. Even when they pay for satellite TV during the school holidays, the standards of appropriateness do not change.

They often could not participate in discussions on trending stories and they had to develop habits of reading, talking and enjoying time as a family without the distraction of the TV. While the benefits of such habits are obvious, it takes courage and fortitude to go against society’s expectations and lax standards especially in the privacy of one’s home.

Their actions have borne fruit as can be seen in their children who are creative, self-sufficient as far as entertainment is concerned and, as Christian demonstrated, able to discern what is and is not good for them even when it goes against the norm. In addition, the family is tightly knit and obviously enjoys each other’s company as is easily evident during get-togethers with friends and the extended family.

By quietly observing Christian, her older brother, Moen, and younger sister, Trinity, one can effortlessly tell what the Kanyatta family stands for; what is norm and non-negotiable as far as behaviour goes. So it is for every family and every Leader of Family Business.

It is possible for parents to live in such a way that their core values imbued to children become a part of their character. Possible but not easy.

In addition to ensuring that there is consistency between how the Leaders of Family Business conduct themselves privately and publicly, it takes a great deal of deliberate effort, determination and dogged persistence for these values to be demonstrated, to be imitated and finally to become a way of life for the children.

Excellent barometer

Children are the best reflection of what the Leader of Family Business stands for and what core values guide the business venture. Because of their ability to continuously absorb everything they see, taste and hear, they are an excellent barometer of the environment at home.

Children quite easily detect inconsistencies between what their parents say and what they do. They also have the annoying tendency to question discrepancies between what their parents profess and what happens when family principles are tested.

As a result, they quickly discern what must be done for them to fit into the home environment and what compromises they can get away with.

Imprinting good values into children must start early, must be deliberately directed towards the desired end stage and must be consistently monitored/reinforced. To leave the children’s acquisition of good values to chance can be the undoing of the family-owned business.

Mr Mutua is a Humphrey Fellow and a leadership development consultant focused on family businesses. [email protected].