Use of latest gadgets hardly signals rot in children

I recently visited a wealthy family and was shocked at the breakdown of the social fabric. The children were busy on their iPads and phones, the TV was on with one of the sons watching football and the parents looked unconcerned. As a retired teacher, I could only wonder silently how things have changed.

There is so much television and social media, which is limiting the social contact within families. I am not sure that many parents have realised this, but I think you need to tell them the dangers of such trends. Thank you.

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Eleanor Roosevelt was the longest serving First Lady in the US (March 1933 to April 1945). It is no wonder that some, including President Harry Truman, considered her the First Lady of the world.

Your question reminds me of her in more ways than one. It was she who lamented about “children of these days.” She had observed how children (those days) had become disobedient, how they seemed to have no regard for the opinion of their parents, and she wondered how society would look like in generations to come.

She spoke about the breakdown in social order, and how parents “these days” do not seem to have time for their children. Although they did not have iPads, phones, and televisions then, what existed was enough to cause caring people like you to express concern.

In his recent autobiography Healers to Physicians, my friend and teacher Prof J.K.G Mati, the first African to head the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology in Kenya laments. “Take for example our taste for music and dance. My generation welcomed the occasional Handel and Mozart, but mostly enjoyed jazz.”

His children were reported to have “enjoyed break dance on their own (without a partner)” while his grandchildren “don’t even have to get out of the house for entertainment. Left alone, the Play Station and the iPad can occupy their entire day!”

In a sense, both you, Mrs Roosevelt and Prof Mati are concerned citizens, worried about the future. I would expect that parents in 1900 in Kenya were concerned (just like you are today) about what would happen to their children, now that the railway line had bisected the country.

I can see a former teacher like you lamenting the fact that we would soon be invaded by Indians, Christians, Europeans and Arabs all of who would come to our country to corrupt the morals of our children. Other than diseases, they might bring useless things like education, Christianity and in the process lead to a breakdown in family values.

I can see a person like you arguing that education would take away our sons and daughters from their core duties of tilling the land, looking after cows and goats and in the case of the young men, raiding neighbouring tribes for cows and women.

In practice, and as you will confirm, education and the railway line both changed our way of life beyond recognition. Were he to come alive today, my grandfather would not recognise this country, in part by the extent of the environmental degradation, but also by the behaviour of his great grandchildren, some of who do not even speak his language.

The question we must, therefore, address is this: To what extent must we try to keep things constant? Put another way, “Are the changes you have noted in the family you visited a good, or a bad thing?”

As in most situations such as you found yourself in, the answer is “It depends”. It depends on many factors, some of which you may not have been aware of. Which day of the week did you visit this family, and what time of the day?

If, for example, your visit was at 11am on a Tuesday morning, then you have more than adequate reason to worry about the entire family not just the children.

Me-time

But if you were there on Saturday, say at 6pm, you would have raised this issue with the parents. There might be an explanation.
It is possible that the family is more organised than you think. Just like families put aside time for meals together, for Church, school, homework..., it is possible that you visited this family during “me time.” This is a time when every member of the family is encouraged to do what they enjoy doing, provided it is done at home.

For an hour and a half every Saturday, each family member does what pleases them. Some read the Bible, others watch football while others play with their iPads.

At 7.30pm, dinner is served after which the family has another activity, say family prayers or debriefing each other over the events of the past week.

Much as I feel your concern, allow yourself to think beyond the obvious. Life is full of the most unlikely explanations for what seems obvious. However, it is possible you are indeed right that this is a family (and society) headed to destruction in the absence of parental responsibility.