At 36, Joan Wanjiru* has everything she once dreamed of: a six-figure salary, a senior strategy role at a multinational company, and a home she owns in Nairobi. But when it comes to dating, she admits she is still navigating an uncertain terrain. For workplace success, she says, she has had to trade off getting a partner.
“I can close a billion-shilling deal in three days,” she says, “but finding time to date and a man who isn’t threatened by my career and where I am at financially? That’s a whole other challenge.”
Joan’s experience reflects a growing trend among single Kenyan career women: professional success is proving difficult to match with romantic stability.
While their careers soar, many say their love lives stall, caught between long working hours, outdated gender norms where high-flying career women are rarely asked out by men, and the emotional fatigue of modern dating, where they work Monday to Friday from 7am to 9pm, and sometimes finish up on projects on Saturday.
One is only left with Sunday, perhaps to go to church or just sleep off the week-long fatigue. The single corporate young women that the BDLife spoke to say they are powerful in the office and partnerless at home, and the long working hours and packed calendars are to blame.
In addition, they say the dating pool of high-flying career men is small, as these men are either married or have options. “Your taste in men changes once you reach a certain level in your career. Your circle of friends changes too, because you cannot be talking about equities or ESGs when people are discussing the latest dancing styles and new nightclubs. You start feeling like you are wasting time, which you could have used to upskill yourself to get a promotion at work,” says Lucy Naliaka, a 29-year-old financial advisor.
Some Kenyan career women say they often downplay their titles or income to accommodate men.
“I once introduced myself as a consultant instead of Head of Strategy,” Joan says. “Just to make the guy comfortable.”
“Men tell me I am intimidating,” she adds. “One guy even said I made him feel ‘less of a man’ because I paid for dinner, yet I was just being polite.”
Seeking love online
Like many busy professionals, she turned to dating apps—only to find that listing her real job title often led to ghosting or “odd competitiveness,” as she puts it.
Emily Oduor, 28, is a marketing strategist and founder of Silken Luxe Studio.
Photo credit: Pool
“You can sense the shift once they [potential partners] realise you might outrank them. Sometimes I ask myself, Am I too picky? I have started being more intentional. I joined a mentorship group for women in leadership, and one of our sessions was about emotional vulnerability. It opened my eyes. Love might take longer, but I’ll get there,” she says.
According to the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics’ Household Budget Survey, Kenyans work about 40 to 48 hours weekly, with some in specific sectors working longer hours.
The more ambitious women and men might even work longer hours to meet their KPIs, the buzzword in the corporate spaces. But as ambition rises, love life lags.
Too busy to be a wife
Cynthia Njeri, 32, an investment banker, says she once believed she would be married by 27. “But every year, work got more intense,” she says.
“One boyfriend told me I was too busy to be a wife. When I travelled abroad for work, he sulked for days. Meanwhile, when he worked overtime, I was expected to understand. How do I build a romantic relationship with someone who thinks my ambition is an insult to their ego?” She poses.
Cynthia cannot figure out why it is easy for a man to date as they continue to prosper in their careers.
“When a man rises to the position of a CEO, he becomes more admirable,” observes Cynthia. “However, when a woman does the same, she is too much.”
Like Lucy, the dating apps are also not working for her. “I would match with someone, but setting up an actual date felt like trying to schedule a board meeting. It wasn’t intentional not to show up for the dates; it’s just that the workload was too much, so I kept postponing, or sometimes I’d forget. Time is just trapped behind the bank's walls by the never-ending to-do lists,” she says.
What about weekends?
“On the weekends, I spend my time hiking [it is good for her fitness journey and to wind down from a busy weekday] or sometimes I mentor young girls through a local NGO.”
For some women, the time strain is just too much.
“By the time I get home from work, I can barely form a complete sentence,” says Yvonne Wangari, 27, a teacher. “I left a relationship because I couldn’t juggle both work and dating.”
Her day, she says, starts at 7am and ends past 5pm.
“Work not only consumes your time, it steals your energy. By the time I’m done handling the children and preparing notes for the next day’s class, my brain is tired. I have zero energy to chat with someone at night,” she says.
Her experience echoes a wider dilemma. According to 2022 Kenya National Bureau of Statistics report, women slightly outnumber men. But for high-achieving women, the pool of emotionally secure, equally accomplished men feels far smaller.
“Society celebrates successful men,” Cynthia says. “But when women reach the same level, it’s a different ball game. I kept saying to myself, next year will be different. When the following year came, I had more work than ever,” she says.
Not all corporate women face the same barriers. Emily Oduor, 28, a marketing strategist and founder of Silken Luxe Studio, says her partner respects her ambition.
“We both work long hours, but we prioritise each other. My day typically starts at 5:30 am and ends at 8pm, and I also double up as an entrepreneur. My hands are typically full, especially during weekdays. But my boyfriend and I make time for each other, no matter how busy we get. I’ve found that the right kind of man sees my drive as a strength, not a threat,” she says.
For her, emotional maturity, not job title, is the real deciding factor in compatibility.
A man’s take
However, some corporate men say, it isn’t really an issue of long working hours but the lingering traditional expectations that still cast men as providers and women as followers.
Certified life coach Sarah Munyi.
Photo credit: Pool
Elvis Alwala, a structural engineer, says many men feel disoriented by changing gender dynamics.
“Men pride themselves on being in charge. When a woman earns more, it disrupts that script,” he says. “Many corporate ladies are used to the commanding power in their workplaces and may struggle to submit to an authority when they get back home. It is difficult for a corporate woman to thrive in the African relationship set-up.”
He adds that some women get consumed by their careers and forget that there is life at home.
Life coach Sarah Munyi encourages women to reject social pressure to “settle.”
“There’s no timeline to marriage,” she says. “The key is emotional intelligence—knowing when you’re ready and who aligns with your values.”
