One of the perks of being a writer is that people give you things you don’t deserve. Things you probably couldn’t afford. Or if you can, it would be irresponsible to spend money on them.
I have flown in choppers over Cape Town, been in the same room with Snoop Dogg, gone shark diving, stayed in a ridiculously exclusive resort in Zanzibar, and stayed in a resort in Diani where I saw Brad Pitt sunbathing. I’ve been on a first-class flight to France that felt so surreal I didn’t want to breathe too hard and risk upsetting the grave inequality of life.
I have tasted a 300-year-old cognac from a barrel in a cellar two floors underground. A falcon worth a million shillings has perched on my gloved hand in Doha. These are not natural experiences of any one of my status in life.
Recently, I visited Diani Reef Beach Resort after so many years and I found that they had graciously upgraded me to the presidential suite. On Valentine’s Day, no less. My lady walked into the sprawling space and gasped. My brownie points piled higher than me. The room went on and on until it opened into a private balcony facing the ocean. There was a dining area, already set up for half a dozen people.
There was a bowl of fruits, a massive bedroom with an excessive bathroom, and a walk-in closet. You know how ladies are, she wafted around the room sighing as the bellhop showed me how the AC worked and things.
“They just upgraded you? Just like that?” She asked sceptically as if I was a drug dealer. I said, “The pen is mightier than the sword, but this is excessive even for my pen. I will ask for a small room, something more intimate.” She laughed and said, “Don’t be foolish. You can move to that smaller room. I’m staying here.” Then she left to change into one of the 50 dresses she had packed for a three-night visit.
There are perks to staying in a presidential room—if you call room service they pick up immediately. Service is prompter. Staff always nod at you in the corridor. You can drink all the soft beverages you want. You are on full board. Limitless cocktails. At meals, a waiter constantly hovers around you. The managers stop by to say hello. It’s truly presidential and it’s excessive. If you like attention and splash, you will thrive.
