Why Tonia Mutiso is happy to be alive

Tonia was the first employee Microsoft hired back in 1996 when the company was setting up shop in Kenya.

Over the past 17 years, she has worked at Microsoft in various capacities; IT, human resource and marketing. She’s actually a trained lawyer by profession, but law turned out to be dull so she moved on.

She is currently involved in Microsoft4Africa, an initiative that seeks to empower Africans with great business ideas or an idea for an application that can transform society and the continent at large. The initiative focuses on world-class skills, access and innovation.

We meet in their offices in Upper Hill. Tonia is a bag of energy; effervescent, eloquent and unhinged. She – unlike most female interviewees – is quite candid and unapologetic. Not once did we go off the record, even when I was certain she would.

Let’s start from the end, what’s in your Bucket List?

Well, I will get personal. (Pause) Five years ago, I had a close brush with death. When you come so close to death, it teaches you to live life now; you realise you don’t have a lot of time left.

My list is, one, run my own company, maybe in the next five years. This means a resignation from Microsoft. (Laughs). Two, I want to watch a live World Cup match because I’m a big football fanatic, my whole family is. My mother is the biggest fanatic.

Wait, you must be an Arsenal fan…

(Laughs) Does it show? Is it the years of disappointment? (Loud laughter, continues). Third, is to travel the world, top of the list is India and China, more like eat, pray and love without all the angst.

Lastly – and this is related to part of my experience – I’m a transplantee; I have an organ that saved my life. In Kenya, the organ donation policies are non-existent and people are dying as a result. I would like to leave a legacy as an advocate of the same.

What organ did you have replaced?

My liver.

How was that?

It was in 2009, I had a thyroid issue and got some medication for it. Do you see that fine print on medication that you never read? That there might be a 0.0003 per cent chance of liver failure? I was in Atlanta for a business trip when my liver failed.

As a result I slipped into a coma for four weeks. I was lucky that there was an organ and it was a match. They also pushed me up the waiting list because I was expecting my youngest daughter.

I was operated on and my baby was born healthy thereafter. You know, we look for miracles every day and this is one of those miracles.

How’s your daughter?

She passed away late last year.

Goodness, I’m so sorry! When you came to after the four-week coma, what’s the first thing that came to your mind?

That I need a Bucket List! (Laughs).

I don’t mean to be insensitive, but just how does losing your child change you as a mother, as a woman? Are there words to describe it?

You know, when I lost my baby, a friend sent me an SMS saying that there is an English word for children who lose parents, orphans, and when you lose a spouse, widow or widower, but there is no word for someone who loses their child. (Pause). The pain is a lot,…it’s always there.

There were a lot of “whys”. Why me? Why her? (Pause). Oddly enough, this is what happened recently. A few weeks ago, I was in Atlanta, again, the same city where I had my liver failure and got my transplant.

In the plane, I was seated next to a young man reading his Bible. He said he was from Haiti. When I got off the plane, I found him standing in the terminal waiting for me and he asked if he could speak to me and he told me that God talked to him and told him to tell me that the little girl was OK and I said, “I’m sorry, what?” and he repeated, “God told me to tell you not to worry about the little girl you lost.”

No way!

I promise! Nothing like this has ever happened to me in my life! I didn’t know anyone on that flight, I wasn’t looking at my daughter’s pictures and this random 28-year-old tells me that! I walked away from him, didn’t even say bye.

I slept and in the morning, I woke up so much lighter. I was certain God spoke to me though this guy. How else do you explain it? I didn’t realise how much I was carrying in my heart. You know, whenever I prayed, I asked God to take care of my baby and this guy saying that just eased the weight in my heart.

Again, forgive my curiosity but do you wonder about that donor; who they were, I mean you have a piece of them inside you.

I know he was a young man and that he was in a car accident. A black man. The family wouldn’t meet me, which is understandable; they had lost a loved one while I had gotten my life back. So I wrote a card and asked the hospital to hand it to them.

You know, I always wonder, especially after that plane experience, whether it was the spirit of this donor who came to me in the airport? Is it connected? What are the odds? More importantly, I’m more thankful. It’s the ultimate gift I have ever gotten.

Did this experience change your spirituality?

I think it makes you believe. I think it’s too soon to say it strengthened or weakened my spirituality. That is a journey.

I suppose given your condition, you have had to adjust your lifestyle, you know like avoid alcohol…

Actually, I drink.

Oh you do?

(Laughs) Yes. Life is for the living, remember? I’m on medication but I asked the doctors and they said everything should be in moderation. To be honest, I lead a regular life; I travel, I hang out with friends. You can’t know I have a donated liver.

What remains your greatest fear?

Losing a loved one. It’s difficult to come back from that.

What does Mr Kariuki do?

Mr Kariuki is a farmer. My husband is the exact opposite of me; a very calm guy and easy going. He slows me down when I’m getting out of control. He complements my style.

What are you struggling with at your age?

What, on a personal level or workwise?

Oh please, forget work.

Of course, who cares about work? (Laughs loudly). I’m not struggling with a whole lot to be honest. I’m happy. I’m happy to be alive. I feel the energy of people around me. I love my job, I love my colleagues, I don’t have any reason to be unhappy.

What do you dislike most about yourself?

Gosh, that is one of those questions that you feel might expose yourself too much. (Pause). I speak too much. I always imagined that I would be this person who listens thoughtful then says something profound that will alter lives. (Laughs).

What advice would you give your 18-year-old self if you were to go back in time?

To be more. Laugh more. Love more. Read more. Do more. Reach for the stars. You wake up and you are 40 and life has flown past you. So be more. Laugh harder. Hold people close.

I love that. What’s your greatest insecurity?

(Long pause) That I’m not a great mother. You meet these women who have given up their careers to be wives and mothers…I’m not that kind of woman.

I travel a lot and as a result, I’m always missing my daughter’s school activities, and I worry that I don’t spend a lot of time with her. My daughter is a mini-me. (Laughs). She’s seven years going 24.