Uncle’s death kicks up a storm over bid to use my car as hearse

I am not in the office today and I can tell you in some ways it is quite a relief to be away from the workplace and home.

Last week, I really burnt the midnight oil and had to put up with numerous changes back and forth from the CEO.

There were many times when I was tempted to give a nasty retort about his behaviour, but I would remember that I had so many bills to pay and I have possibly some twins coming my way. At the start of the week my dad had called me and informed that my uncle, his youngest brother, had passed away.

Given my uncle spent most of his time drunk I was quite stunned to discover that my father was quite emotional. In fact, I think he was crying on the phone.

He told me, “We have set the funeral for Friday and you must come.” I wanted to get into a long lecture about how inconvenient Fridays are, especially for “We Nairobi people who have to get permission from our often reluctant bosses.”

I was in fact scared of seeking permission from the boss so you can imagine my shock when he responded by saying, “Family comes first, you must by all means attend the funeral.” And that is how I found myself in the village surrounded by family.

I got to the village the day before the funeral and found that plans were in advanced stages and the usual matanga business was going on. My father was clearly distraught and he said, “Though my brother drunk too much he was my only surviving brother, I feel like I am next.”

This was really news to me because as long as I could remember my father kept complaining about his “useless drunkard brother”. He then called me aside and tell me they were having a small problem which he whispered about, “How we shall carry my brother?”

This stopped me in my tracks and I said, “What do you mean? Will you not be using a hearse?” My father said, “The hearses here are so expensive, about ten thousand bob and our funeral meetings have not been able to raise this amount.”

This stunned me and so I said, “How do you now plan to carry my uncle?”

He said, “Today when I saw your car, I knew God answers prayers, When I look at your car, I know that if we put down some of the seats we can carry my brother from the mortuary.”

I said, “What! But that cannot happen! My car is not a hearse.” My father went into a long lecture about how he could not understand the fuss because “It is not like the body will be placed on your car and the drive from the morgue to our home is only 10 minutes.”

He went on to say, “Why should we spend Sh10,000 in 10 minutes?” I knew my father could not understand my logic and so I said, “Never ever, my car is for carrying human beings who are alive not those who are dead.”

This annoyed my father so much that he walked out on me complaining how “when children go to Nairobi they lose all common sense”.

I knew that the person who could help this situation would be my mother so I went and spoke to her. Just like my father she did not see the need to spend Sh10,000 when “we have a good car right here”.

There was no winning on this one so I decided to go to the morgue and find a way to get a hearse for my uncle at a cheaper rate. Using all the presentation skills I learnt last week, I somehow managed to convince the hearse provider to provide one and to even throw in a PA system at a discount.

Later that evening I went and told my father about what I had managed to do.

He was thankful, “You have done well, now my brother will be brought home in style.” He kept on asking me how much I had paid but I opted not to tell him after all he is family and I did not want him to revisit the idea of using my car as a hearse.