When extra wives become curses to family businesses

“How I wish somebody, anybody, would come up with a retrenchment package for extra wives.

I would gladly release two of mine and remain with one.” Polygamous man married (and exasperated) for 40, 33 and 15 years respectively.

These are words spoken by a moderately successful man in his 60’s who, permitted by African customary law, is on his third concurrent marriage.

His first wife was unable to bear children after which he, following advice from his “friends”, impregnated a woman who has since become his second wife and who has borne him seven other children.

The floodgates opened by this act led to his third marriage upon his escape to Nairobi. He has, during the painful course of his other marriages, realised that the first wife was his real treasure. She adopted two children who she is raising in his rural home.

He is now stuck with his third and most demanding wife in the city. But retirement and old age are likely to push him back to the village.

I thought these acts were history till I recently watched a TV profile of a very popular media personality whose antics on a comedy show created the niche for the locally generated content in Kenya.

During the interview, he acknowledged having two wives, both of who were shown for very brief durations during the interview, the first driving away in her car and the second exercising in the gym. As far as I can tell, none of them spoke during the show.

Male leaders of family businesses face various challenges, the most serious of which are brought on by success in their ventures. Because entrepreneurs normally start out poor, broke and unconnected to powerful networks; those who marry early choose a partner who accepts their lowly status.

Such marriages are based on the purest faith and hope that the entrepreneur’s ideas, hard work and zeal for execution will pay off.
When the business venture eventually takes off and succeeds, the leader of family business, now striding confidently, suddenly desires more exotic fare.

The natural tendency is to look upon his now plain wife as uncomplimentary to his elevated social and economic status.

He desires a trophy to put on display as demonstration of his prowess and virility. For these and many other reasons, enters the second and subsequent wives.

First, I wish to salute those brave men who openly acknowledge these extra spouses rather than maintaining them as secret liaisons.

Quite apart from the taking the risk of contracting strange diseases, there is a lot to be said for a man who can brazenly face his wife (and the very real prospect of death) with this kind of news. As history has repeatedly shown, some men have lost crucial parts of their anatomy in this pursuit of honesty.

Second, I wish to remind men, especially leaders of family business, of the facts regarding women’s intricate and complicated operation systems. Research spanning thousands of years reveals that women are not designed to share men.

They may look like they are putting up with it,smile and wave it off or even seem to tacitly approve of extramarital liaisons.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Beneath the endearing terms, the glad handing and choreographed media appearances is a sea of boiling emotional magma.

Third, I wish to remind the women who would enter into a husband-share arrangement with or without the consent of the first wife that there is no guarantee that this action will end with you. Brace yourself for the coming coup de tat.

Finally gentlemen, if you are caught up in the saga of extra wives, do the best you can to tidy after yourself.

I know things look rosy right now; the older wife(ves) looks contented and secure, the newer one is fun and exciting; everything seems hunky-dory. This is a very temporary state of affairs.

Take measures to separate your wives, allocate them different properties to manage / control and ensure that the children’s interests are secured. Meanwhile, fare thee well my friend, fare thee well.