Who is your child’s keeper?

It is that time of the week again – a Friday night and #turnup is trending among the younger generation.

The xaxa (sasa, a popular slang greeting) generation is getting ready to go out and the new term for the parties has evolved from rave to ‘hangie’ and now it is ‘turn up’. Well... at least that is what it was two days ago.

Parents can no longer keep up with the lingo of the day, let alone decipher texts being sent and received by their children or the conversation going on right under their noses in the living room.

For this group of youngsters, hard liquor is child’s play. All it takes is a call to the local estate dealer and an assortment of narcotics is delivered to the party location, or a pick up is organised at an agreed point. No questions asked.

As the night progresses, a steady supply of innocent-looking baked goods is placed on the table – from cookies, brownies, muffins and a homemade pizza.

For regulars on the party scene, they know to steer clear of the baked goodies unless they are looking to get high.

The modern-day teenager and young adult is constantly surrounded by, if not taking, drugs and alcohol. Reports in the media on addiction have been a wake-up call to Kenyans who have called on the government for assistance as we have witnessed recently in Mombasa.

However, this menace could be closer home than you think, and as a parent, you can take charge and steer you son or daughter in the right direction before things get out of hand.

The absentee parent is at the top of the list when it comes to reasons that fuel rebellion in the modern-day child. With no parent around for guidance, or when they are there not really spending time with their children, and increased exposure through the media and Internet, many children have all the time to experiment with just about anything under the sky from drugs, to alcohol to sex.

Rot

One only has to look at the pictures taken of some of these youngsters at rugby matches and entertainment venues to realise the extent of the rot.

Google and peers have become the new classrooms of life as children opt to “Ask Google” or turn to social media to discuss any challenges they may be facing in their lives.

“Many so-called modern parents no longer have time for their children and are compensating by giving them money, which is being used to fuel the vices,” says John Gatu, a trainer and counsellor at Falec.

Drugs and sex have become the playground for the young, exposing them to risks of early pregnancy, addiction, illness and death.

Today, these children are learning early about sex and sexuality, with six-year-olds having an uncanny ability to describe an X-rated scene that they saw on TV or in a magazine.

Even with this level of exposure, parents have chosen to shun the topic of the birds and bees and very few schools offer sex education lessons. So these children are left to their own devices. Is it any wonder that 10-year-olds are engaging in sexual acts?

According to Regina Wanderi, director of Falec, it is never too early to start teaching your child about sex.

“You start as early as possible. Teach them what parts nobody should see or touch and also about cleanliness,” she explains.

In her experience as a counsellor, there has been an increase in cases of incest and homosexuality too.

“You find young girls being impregnated by their cousins and even brothers. And young children generally experimenting with sex from all the information they get online. Parents should teach their children about the evils as well as the good aspects of sex and sexuality,” she says.

Signs

Drug abuse has its tell-tale signs. According to the team at Falec, some of the things that manifest when the child is involved in drug abuse includes the child detaching from the parents and also avoiding family gatherings. A previously social child will suddenly start avoiding all gatherings with family or friends.

Speech also changes, which can include slurring. The child may also exhibit a greater degree of rebellion, which has played a major role in the recent wave of school strikes that have even led to the death of students.

Teenagers are known to have voracious appetites, but some drugs also increase the appetite - commonly known as ‘having the munchies’ - while others suppress appetite. Paying keen attention to your child will let the parent know if appetite change is either a growth phase or induced by other factors.

Physical signs are also a common sign – from discoloured eyes and needle marks on the body to darkening and discolouration of fingers and lips, among others.

To keep track of your child, their behaviour and the company they keep is an essential part of parenting today more than ever before. Ms Wanderi and Mr Gatu advise that parents must create an open environment where the children can look at them as friends.

“Spend time together and bond. Watching TV together does not count. Talk to your child about all aspects of his life and let them know you are ready to listen without judging,” says Mr Gatu.

In addition, the team also advises that parents know their children’s friends right from kindergarten through to university. Creating an environment where the children can bring their friends home helps the parents know the kind of people their child interacts with.

Today, many parents allow their children to go on sleepovers at different homes despite knowing the risks involved.

If you allow your children to spend the night at a friend’s place, ensure you know the parents and where they live and whether or not they will be in the house when your child is there. Talk to the parents before dropping your child off at their home.

Many parents simply drop off children outside their friends’ homes without bothering to find out who is in the house where the child is going to spend the night.

As parents create closer bonds with their children, there is also a need to teach them responsibility and let them make their own mistakes. Being overprotective and making all decisions on their behalf creates adults who are ill-prepared to assimilate into society.