The question of sexuality has no simple answers

Thoughts and feelings of being gay were to be corrected under the wise leadership of government. PHOTO | FOTOSEARCH

What you need to know:

  • Thoughts and feelings of being gay were to be corrected under the wise leadership of government.
  • Such a ministry does not exist in Kenya today, in part because no government has jurisdiction over the private feelings of human beings.
  • The Kenya Film Classification Board has recently stated that the government is “unapologetic” in protecting Kenyan children.
  • This most recent storm in gay matters was raised from a most unlikely corner of society.

You answered a question on someone becoming gay recently and why it may be acceptable. The problem in my case is that my husband is very still very angry about our son getting caught up in this thing since he realised it a few years ago. He worries about how the young man will get married”

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The answer we give today is no more likely to settle the mind of your husband than the answer we gave sometime back. Indeed, the debate on human sexuality will in all probability remain unsettled for many years (perhaps decades) to come. If what your husband is looking for is a simple answer to this most complex question, then the reality is that there is no such answer.

This search for the simple truth brings to mind events that took place some years ago. At a time of much political activity and agitation, then president Daniel arap Moi created a Ministry of National Guidance. The ministry was, to among other things help Kenyans think “correct” thoughts, and to do the “right” things.

Thoughts and feelings of being gay were to be corrected under the wise leadership of government. Such a ministry does not exist in Kenya today, in part because no government has jurisdiction over the private feelings of human beings.

The Kenya Film Classification Board has recently stated that the government is “unapologetic” in protecting Kenyan children. This most recent storm in gay matters was raised from a most unlikely corner of society.

Those with young children will no doubt be familiar with the Disney Channel. ‘Andi Mack’ is a popular show that in season two introduces a storyline where a leading character has, at the age of 13 years a crush on another boy. This show will not be aired in Kenya.

That, however, is the beginning not the end of the conversation on being or not being gay.

The law in Kenya is as simple as it is clear. If your son wishes to get married (legally), then he has to find a girl to marry. If he has any other plans (for marriage) then they would be outside the law. This again is easier said than done.

It is an open secret that thousands of men and women live in same sex relationships, but law enforcement and society in general turns a blind eye on the matter. Indeed there is a growing body of thinkers who now hold the view that the State (or any of its organs) has no business checking on what consenting adults do to and for each other in private.

The argument goes on to say that State organs are so busy with other more important matters that actions of individuals hidden away from children and other vulnerable groups should be left to lie as they are.

Sadly, this thinking fails to bring the debate to a close.

In the recent Disney Show saga, the programme is clearly aimed at children who are in a critical stage in exploring sexuality in general. The promoters of a programme such as this one would argue that it helps the children explore the options available for their future.

Those who profess Islam, Christianity and Judaism would argue that there is nothing available to explore because the Koran, Bible and Torah are all clear on sexual orientation matters.

This is yet another conversation that is not easy because the Anglican Church faces serious threat of splitting on the basis that parts of it in the West are prepared to consider the possibility that one can be both Christian and gay. The Anglican Church in Africa is black and white in the matter. One is either a Christian or is gay!

If only life was that simple! There are (just to complicate life) other people who are bisexual. Such persons have romantic attraction towards males and females. A married man with a wife and children at home could also have a boyfriend with whom he has a sexual relationship.

Contrary to what many people believe, bisexuality is not “new”. The famous Kinsey report (1948) found that 46 per cent of the male population had engaged in both homosexual and heterosexual activities. More recent studies show lower rates of prevalence. For example, in 2007 about two per cent of Americans were reported to be bisexual.

You tell us that your husband is angry because your son has “been caught in this thing”. Your pain is almost palpable. The truth is that scientists are yet to agree on what causes “this thing” as you call it. Many theories exist and include genetics, environment, hormones, order of birth and many others.

Sadly for you and your husband, no simple answers exist for the situation he now finds himself in.

Readers are advised to send their questions to: [email protected]

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