As 2018 comes to a slithering stop, I need to jot down my goals for 2019 because my CEO penned his down a few weeks ago. How do I know? One of the IT guys is my nephew’s best friend and has a serious betting problem. I’ve had to bail him out a few times when he’s in a financial jam and he owes me big time. He put in a mirroring software that allows me to see the CEO’s desktop and all files he’s working on. Really cool!
RESOLUTION 1
Launch Operation GROC (Get-Rid-Of-CEO). Look, the CEO is nothing but a celebrity puff. This is the third CEO role that he’s had in the last seven years, as he’s established a three-year life cycle with every position he’s taken. Year one, impress the board with big talk but small walks. Year two, spend the year complaining about the policies that the previous CEO put in place and how they are stifling the growth plans he has. Year three, spend two out of five days every week talking to headhunters in a feverish search for a new job as the board has seen through all the bluster and nonsense. I’ve been the CFO here for five years and I got passed over when the CEO role came up.
Mr Loose-Lips-Sink-Ships Director whispered to me that the board felt I was not emotionally ready for the role. That I lacked the gravitas to lead an organisation as I was viewed to be meek. I don’t intend to be passed over again. It’s not hard to make the CEO look bad, this is his second year and we only just made budget. What I haven’t told him is that there’s a provision that’s going to hit the income statement once the auditors come in, due to a big contract he made us take on that has failed to deliver revenue. Let me see him squirm out of that.
RESOLUTION 2
Work on my emotional skills so that the board sees I am CEO ready.
RESOLUTION 3
What emotional skills are these that need to be worked on anyway? My wife describes me as being a sensitive man. At least that’s what she said when I smashed a glass against the wall after she described my birthday gift to her as cheap. That means I do have emotions, right?
RESOLUTION 4
Engage the board chairman more. I don’t spend enough time with that fellow after board meetings. But that’s because the CEO is all over the man like white on rice after each meeting. I don’t even get a gap to sit next to him at lunchtime so that he can hear my views on what really needs to be done to get this company on a successful trajectory. He went to the same high school as me, so I know I can get into a good discussion about how the alumni can improve the decrepit school facilities. Actually, maybe if I told him that I can allocate some funds out of the marketing budget to give to him to take to the next annual Old Boys fundraising dinner, it would make him look like a star.
RESOLUTION 5
Engage Mr Loose-Lips-Sink-Ships Director more. He talks too much but I’ve seen him drive some board decisions his way with his incessant chatter. I think that the board caved in just to make him stop talking. He chairs the board human resources committee and I think he could help drive the agenda to get me to be top contender for the CEO role when it becomes vacant.
RESOLUTION 6
Create a Gant chart for Operation GROC. Identify key stakeholders other than those identified in Resolutions 4 and 5 above. Determine the staging required for all plans.
RESOLUTION 7
I just spoke to my executive coach. She thinks that I need to find a personal stylist to help me upgrade my look so that I can get the necessary CEO gravitas. Find stylist ASAP
RESOLUTION 8
I need to fire my executive coach. I don’t think she has the gravitas to coach me into my CEO role.
RESOLUTION 9
Refer to resolution 2 above. Maybe my new coach can help me interrogate these emotional skills that are lacking. Hire a new coach ASAP.
RESOLUTION 10
Rename Operation GROC into something more positive like Operation CBC (CFO-Becomes-CEO). That has a nice ring to it. Kind of like B2B or B2C. I can do this!
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Note: The results are not exact but very close to the actual.
