Is procrastination a disease? It’s affecting my husband’s ability to be the breadwinner. Every time I ask him to apply for a job he says he will, by the time he remembers the deadline has passed. I don’t want my sons to be like him.
Your question has two components which I will deal with below. The first is regarding the significance of the symptoms of procrastination, and the second is about the genetics/inheritance of any mental disorder that might have procrastination as a presenting symptom.
Procrastination is not a disease, but there are several mental health conditions that might appear with the symptoms of procrastination. One of the classical symptoms of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), is chronic procrastination.
A man we saw some months ago had this condition. His marriage was hanging by a thread, his wife accusing him, perhaps like you, of being careless in the way he managed family affairs.
Some of his acts of omission were irritating while others were more serious while others had legal consequences. He was, for example, reported to leave his dirty clothes all over the place except never in the bin intended for them. Similarly, his shoes were scattered all over the place sometimes making others trip over them in the house.
More seriously, he kept putting off repairs for things like leaking pipes or exposed electric cables in the house, exposing the children to a real danger of accidents. Similarly, the car was dangerously neglected, with him postponing taking it for service, leading to accidents on account of failed brakes.
The wife decided to take matters into her own hands when after an accident, it was realised that he had delayed sending the cheque intended for the insurance premium. His excuse was that he had intended to hand it over the following day. This, the wife knew was a mere excuse.
On making a thorough check on other family matters, ordinarily under his charge, the wife was in shock and decided to call for help because, in her words, “my husband has lost it”.
She found letters of final demand from the taxman, the bank, and even the mortgage company all making the point that any further delay in compliance with the demands would lead to serious legal consequences. The drinking that soon followed was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Soon, his employer, and the rest of the family got into the mix, each giving him the ‘final’ warning from their respective perspectives.
A cousin who had been diagnosed with ADHD got to know what was going on and reached out to the wife. He explained that he had, a few months earlier been diagnosed with ADHD, and because ADHD sometimes runs in families, he thought it possible that his cousin, (her husband) might have a similar condition.
He gave her some reading materials as well as some links to websites on ADHD, and that night she did not sleep. As she was to put it later, she had a lightbulb moment. All the articles she read seemed to be describing her husband.
She began to put together instances that now made sense and which previously made her feel angry and sometimes contemptuous of her husband. He was for example top of his class in both high school and at university but as she often told her mother, he had become lazy and was now one of the poorest people in his former class.
All his friends lived in upmarket estates in the city, while he remained quite happy living in a rented house, employed in a small company owned by his uncle who barely tolerated him!
She also understood that other symptoms of ADHD explained his rather erratic behaviour.
His life was full of unfinished projects. He would, for example, start a chicken-keeping project by reading all there was and doing much research on the project, starting with much gusto, only to get bored and abandon the project after a few weeks. This pattern was repeated many times.
For her, evenings were a nightmare. His hands were on the remote control for the television he would click from station to station through the evening describing every programme as boring after a few minutes of watching. He started reading many books, always abandoning them as he lost both interest and concentration.
In therapy and after she had begun to understand her husband a little, she broke out in laughter when asked why she had married a man she knew to be so erratic.
She confessed that she had married his brilliant mind and had hoped that she could, by loving him a great deal, tame his erratic, and sometimes extraordinary fun-seeking character.
She was, as she was later to learn that on account of her rather obsessional nature, she had found a husband who was completely different. A completely free spirit. Did you perhaps do the same?
Finally, it might be helpful to establish if, (as their father seems to), any of your children might be showing symptoms of ADHD.
