Should I disclose hidden savings account to my wife?

I have Sh5 million in savings that my wife has no idea about. I want to tell her about the savings, which are increasing, but If I tell her she will start budgeting for cash. I am saving for our children’s future.
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A few weeks ago, I overheard a conversation between some men. They were discussing the very subject you wish us to discuss today. The men, mostly in their late 30s and early 40s had very diverse views on how much a man should tell his wife about his financial matters in general.

One of the louder ones was convinced that women must be told as little as possible because if they knew the risks that men take, they might be unable to sleep and might even get heart attacks.

To make his point, he reminded one of the friends how they had been involved in a sugar deal worth millions that did not go well, and how they both lost millions in potential earnings. Like you he argued that if he had told his wife about the prospect in the deal, she might have started planning for another child. They all laughed.

Another man argued that since he was not in business, and does not do any deals, he and his wife have a joint account into which all their money goes. Rather meekly he indicated that his wife is a better manager of family finances because she is able to keep to an agreed budget.

For his part, sticking to the budget was hard. More laughing and teasing took place as he was asked if his wife would find out if he bought them a drink. Rather angrily, he went out and did not come back.

The conversation went on and as it became louder, they were joined by an elderly man who seemed to bring them back to earth.

For him, life is as simple as it is clear. A man is only a man to the extent that he can look after his wife and children. Any person who depends on the income of his wife has no business calling himself a man.

Any income a woman has is for herself to do what she wishes. In his case, his wife is well invested in agriculture and real estate and he only gets involved in her business if she asks for his opinion.

The matrimonial home is in her name as is the car she drives. This is to make sure that in case things go wrong “out there” his wife and children would be safeguarded. No auctioneer would come near them.

One of the men wondered if this was not a dangerous move, to let the wife own the house and the car. The old man, as though giving the younger man encouragement told them that all a woman wants is to be treated with respect and to be given a comfortable home for her children to grow up in.

After all, he concluded, where would an old woman like his wife find a better place to live in? Just give her a good home and she will never go anywhere else!

The young men did not swallow that one and after the old man had gone, started to compare their wives with the old man’s wife.

There was general agreement that women are not to be told about a man’s financial affairs, either because they would object to big deals, or because they might start planning other things other than the children’s future.

One of the men gave the example of his wife who likes to travel and is always buying new clothes and furniture.

A female relative of one of the men joined the group as she waited for her friends. She was introduced as an investment banker. Suddenly the conversation froze as the men looked at her.

She looked 28 or 30 and her engagement ring told them all that she was not available to them.

A while later, the conversation drifted back to how much a man should tell his wife about how much money they have. Her response shocked the men. She told them that when she gets married in a few months, she will uphold the teachings of the Holy Bible. She will submit herself to her husband who is in turn commanded to love her.

Her submission would be total and would include financial matters. She would hope that her husband would continue to love and respect her enough to consult her on all matters including financial!

It was becoming clear that telling or not telling the wife about Sh5 million meant for the children’s future is a matter of trust and respect and not about what the wife might want to do with the money.

In your case, if your wife really cares about the future of her children, she ought to be happy and full of praise for all that you have done!

If on the other hand yours is a shaky relationship — unlike the old man and his wife — you might have to keep things as they are.

As you can see, the Sh5 million question is about the quality of the relationship between you and your wife.