Do we need traffic police to tell us to drive sensibly?
Habits like using the phone while driving can a cause accidents or delays especially when the lights show green.
I really pity our police force especially those on the traffic beat. They have to wake up at an ungodly hour to tell Kenyans what they can and cannot do on the roads.
They have been reduced to prefects who stand outside our houses and monitor how we negotiate out into the civilised modern with these strange ‘new device’ called the vehicle.
I think we should just revert to riding donkeys and horses to work and back. At least these beasts have more sense than the whole lot of us put together. They will not overtake dangerously, if only to save their dear lives.
Somehow we just don’t get it. We would rather sit by the television and watch Desperate Housewives and the 24 series until birds start to chirp in the new morning light only to rush out of our residence in a mad panic hurry to get to our miserable jobs.
This week I sought to test the Nairobi traffic and ended being insulted by everyone for sticking to my lane.
The new Mombasa road has just been expanded to three lanes. That is a well-known fact.
We complained for weeks when the road remained unmarked. Now our friends from the East have began painting the lanes and there is a sigh of relief from motorists.
For some though, we suffer from selective amnesia for no sooner do we reach an unmarked section than we create two more lanes where there were previously only three.
One fine looking lady in a silver metallic Mercedes C-class had the nerve to hoot and flash at me when I showed her three fingers indicating that things had not changed to allow her to squeeze by my side.
Now if it were for any other reason and in a different setting I might have taken up her offer to rub shoulders, but not if it meant knocking off her expensive side mirror in the process.
Do we really need the traffic police to tell us how to drive sensibly. I think not. I propose that all drivers be made to sign an agreement to abide by some simple and basic road rules.
Anybody faulting them should be prepared to be ejected from his or her vehicle and flogged with a “Nyahunyo” (a whip) in public.
Nyahunyo is that flexible rubber whip made from old tyres.
Let us see how this will work:
1. I shall not overtake on the sidewalk making the lives of the walking and working public nightmare, especially when it is raining so hard. Fine: 10 whips
2. I shall leave for my destination in good time and not over-speed to make up for the extra half hour of sleep. Fine: five
3. I shall give way at junctions and not block exits when I clearly cannot progress. Fine will be five whips.
4. I shall stop at Zebra crossings and give pedestrians a chance to live free of vehicular stress. Fine: 10
5. I shall not tailgate. Driving closer to the car a head is not a sign of affection. You actually might be considered a stalker or simply just gay: 15 whips
6. Cyclists and handcarts have a right to the roads as well. I shall give them a chance to make a living. Fine: five whips
7. I shall put on my headlights when darkness falls. That is from 6.30pm to 6.30am for those with cat eyes. Failure will attract 25 whips.
8. I shall give the motorist on my right the right of way at a round about. It is actually the right thing to do. Fine: 25 whips.
9. I shall not hoot unnecessarily. It is annoying and a vexation to the spirit. It might bring road rage upon me and my family still needs me. Whips: 35.
10 I shall be the sane one and give way to all the other lunatics who are cutting across my path. I am bigger than they are, in mind and spirit, so help me God. Fine: five whips.
If these basic 10 commandments do not work we should just resign our vehicles and jump unto the first stray donkeys we find lurking in our neigbourhood. Life on the road will be as blissfully as was the days of our ancestors.
All is not lost though for there are technological solutions to all problems on the horizon.
Traffic cameras will soon nab all offenders and you will be fined electronically without the chance to bribe that poor cop.
On the highways your new clever vehicles will come with lane assist that alerts you when you are crossing to the next lane.
Careless and reckless driving should be reserved for those over 80 years and invalids.
Finally, many motorists will drink way past their bed time and drive towards their residence with their eyes ‘wide shut’ thinking to themselves “my car knows the way home.
With future GPS technology and intelligent cars we shall be able to key-in the coordinates of our desired point and the vehicle will self navigate to the destination.
With advanced vehicle distance control (VDC) and intelligent cruise control features already available in some cars, your vehicle will be able brake when it approaches another vehicle and guided by road speed and hazard signs, barriers and lane markings, will stay on course until it self parks outside your residence.
For now though that is possible only donkeys and horses, so don’t drink and let drive.
Ladies and gentlemen, lets get our act together and drive sensibly. It’s the only rational thing to do.
