Beginner's take on functional fitness

‘This looks like a torture room,’’ I tell my personal trainer for the day, Arnold Oyuru.

It is my first functional fitness session at Alpha Fit Gym on Ngong Road, Nairobi. The very large non-partitioned gym in an industrial-garage-like building is quite intimidating. At one corner, a young woman with a body to die for lifts 40 kilogrammes of steel with little strain. There is a well-muscled man in rugby attire hitting a truck-sized tyre with a sledgehammer. A woman, very tall and perfectly toned, pulls two super-sized ropes anchored on poles and whips them creating many waves. She finishes the battle rope workout and hangs from the pull-up bar.

‘’I want to try the battle ropes,’’ I tell the fitness instructor. Which woman would not? I had read that Khloe Kardashian, an American celebrity rope-waved her way to a fitter physique and voluptuous derrière.

Arnold doubts if I can do it so I begin the session with indoor cycling, stepping up and down a 1.5 metres high wooden box, doing planks, and skipping a rope. I was supposed to do six repetitions of timed step-ups, planks and rope exercises but I only managed four. I rarely drink water during workouts because I get stomach stitches, but I had drank almost half of the water in my bottle and I had only done warm-up exercises.

Then we moved to crawling and deadlift exercises. Crawling is hard. I could not synchronise my hands and feet. It felt like I was being punished, my body felt heavy yet I weigh 55 kilogrammes. My knees could not fold properly and I kept wondering how chubby toddlers crawl. Despite many failed attempts, the instructor encouraged me to finish the three rounds. For deadlifts exercises, I perfectly lifted 10 kgs-steel bar.

The bulk of the exercises are in rapid three to four minutes bursts, with a rest before the next round. And by resting I do not mean sitting down, it is brisk-walking to the next spot. But I was dragging my feet instead. As I walked past the enclosed kick-boxing arena to the next exercise spot, I thought to myself, “maybe I should try kick-boxing, it looks easy.’’

Drained, I looked at the young woman who was lifting 40 kgs steel balls, she smiled. I wondered how her face muscles could function properly after such a gruelling exercise. Only her sweaty face and clothes revealed the strain she took to do dead-weights and jumping press-ups.I began my next exercise by swinging 10-kgs kettlebells with the handle over my head and between my legs for a few minutes then rowing on the indoor stationary machine. Arnold says the rowing machine helps build, tone muscles, improves cardiovascular function and it is a must-have in a home gym.

He tells me to row faster. I nod not because I want to get all the benefits, but to row as fast as Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) in the “House of Cards” movie. I did not manage to push my elbows as hard and far as Frank Underwood did, but this workout is exciting.

At this point, I am tired but not like other high-intensity sessions such as Tabata, mountain hiking, circuit training or the three-hour workout challenges that most fitness enthusiasts have lined up every weekend.

Exercising at Alpha Fit Gym feels like you are outside. It is also hard to get bored. It is airy, has very high roofs and some sections have artificial grass. It is somewhat more exciting exercising here than in the plush gyms with many treadmills and mirrored walls for people admiring their designer gym wear and taking selfies.

This gym has no treadmills. It has many chains and ropes, some thick and hanging from high roof bars. I attempted climbing one. How hard can it be to climb up a rope? As a teenager, I had climbed a few branchless trees in the village. But in reality, rope climbing requires you to use your bodyweight up. I failed miserably. I could not even get my feet from the floor. At this gym, there is music crooning from somewhere, but it is not disruptive.

After 45 minutes, I had one more workout to do; walking while carrying 10kgs-kettlebells. Easy-peasy, I thought. Everything was okay until the third round.

The steel balls suddenly became heavier and my shoulders droopy. I wanted to drop them midway and walk away. I finished the repetitions though, alternating with countless squats done while holding suspended straps; exercises that tone the back, legs and arms. Finally, I attempted slamming the heavy ropes onto the floor.

Battle ropes training is more than a physical workout. In a squatting position, I had to think of how I could keep the wave, or movements of the rope, going at a fast pace and for a long time. I did well. “Which areas do the battle ropes tone?’’ I asked the trainer. ‘’Back, glutes, abs,’’ he answered.

I am hooked already.

After pushing the limits of my fitness and strength, I was sure of waking up with a sore body or not able to walk down the stairs. But the next day, I felt rejuvenated. I realised that for the grueling functional fitness which incorporates gymnastics and body-building exercises, resting in between movements and the techniques matter. It is nothing like a six-hour non-stop Mount Longonot hike.

dmwango@ke.nationmedia.com