There have been many debates on whether colleagues should become friends or even transform their relationships into work ‘husbands’ and ‘wives’ (work spouses) who are essentially coworkers of the opposite sex with platonic relationships.
Critics argue that having friends at the workplace or work spouses is beneficial to the employer as it boosts employee engagement, job satisfaction, and productivity.
But is it wise to make friends at work and how can one nurture the relationship to avoid the interpersonal dramas that sometimes turn a workplace toxic?
Margaret Ngatia had to quit her job when her work friend turned foe made the workplace toxic. When she was employed by a local bank, she was looking forward to making friends with her colleagues.
Having a friend, she thought, would be an important pillar of support in the stressful credit department where she was deployed and tasked with collecting debt from clients.
Emotional toll
“It is never a nice thing collecting a debt. Sometimes you even have to counsel the client. It takes an emotional toll on you yet you have to meet collection targets,” she says.
At first, all was well. She had worked out arrangements with the debtors to keep paying up, enabling her to meet her targets.
Then her work friend got jealous of her. She would call Ms Ngatia’s clients inciting them not to pay.
“After some time, I wondered why my clients turned against me all of a sudden, and all along we had a good relationship. Others would tell me not to call them as they had other people they could consult,” she says.
She learned that her friend would sabotage her work every time she posted a good performance, surpassed targets, and was recognised by her supervisors.
“My workplace became toxic. I was depressed and shed a lot of weight,” she says. She quit and took a job offer as an accountant even though it meant taking a pay cut.
Roberto Odhiambo, a human resource (HR) officer says having a work friend means being with someone who cares about you and can help boost your performance drive.
On the flip side, he notes that one can compromise the quality of their work especially when feelings of entitlement creep in.
“Unethical practices can thrive and it can jeopardise one’s career as office politics can get toxic, affecting performance,” he adds.
Ground rules
To promote healthy friendships at your workplace, he advises that it is important to set formal and informal ground rules from the word go.
To minimise the chances of having workplace friends or work spouses who betray your trust and become foes, Damaris Ndungwa, an organisational development and learning strategist says you should test the trustworthiness by observing their actions and how they align with their words.
“Even on issues that do not concern you, observe what and how they talk about other colleagues, especially in their absence. It is also helpful to confide in the friend and see if they will maintain confidentiality,” she says.
The danger
When friendships are forged among colleagues in different job groups, Mr Odhiambo notes that there is a danger of a slowdown in the execution of roles.
“If an HR officer finds out that a friend in the workplace is in extreme breach of rules and regulations, and should ideally be subjected to the disciplinary process, she may be reluctant to take action and this puts the employers at a reputational risk,” says Ms Ndungwa.
Additionally, she observes that it is important to keep discussions with the boss or a superior confidential and avoid sharing information that could be perceived as biased or untrustworthy.
While friendships at the workplace drive performance, Mr Odhiambo notes that the HR department has an important role to play as a culture curator.
He points out: “The HR has to ensure that friendships forged at work are within the realms of espoused business values, norms, and beliefs. Any behaviour that is contrary to the values should be nipped in the bud immediately.”
But forging friendships in the workplace is not easy for everyone.
Damaris Ndungwa, an organizational development and learning strategist. FILE PHOTO | POOL
Ms Ndungwa advises, “Throw in your conversations on things that matter to you and your experiences more so outside work as you also show interest in your colleagues.”
Nasty break-up
Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but Mr Odhiambo says unlike in other settings, at the workplace friends don’t have the luxury of letting issues fester and eventually lead to a potentially nasty break-up that could affect others at work.
However, in instances where the two of you are unable to solve the issue, it is prudent to consult a third party.
Ms Ndungwa notes that when it comes to friendships at work, there can be a very thin line when the question of drawing boundaries comes into play.
“It is crucial to uphold professionalism on the job and refrain from actions that can be viewed as impolite, such as having too many personal talks or making outward gestures of affection in the workplace.”
Communication
On the flip side, one should break off their friendship when they realise that they have become complacent and are not able to meet both individual and corporate goals.
“When your friendship is centered on gossip, grapevine, and toxic office politics. Trivialities that impede individual and organisational development. Breeds bad blood between colleagues then cut off the ties,” Mr Odhiambo opines.
Nonetheless, friendship thrives when people are in constant communication. An old adage says that fragrance remains in the hands that touch roses.
