Question: I have been an impulsive spender since I started working. When I was single, the habit didn’t bother me. However, since I got married, it has been a source of conflict with my husband. What is the best way to kick this habit?
Money has always been a touchy issue in relationships, often due to differing social and economic backgrounds and perspectives. Many couples I have spoken to cite financial conflicts as a key contributor to marital stress, anxiety and mistrust.
It is of utmost importance for partners to openly and honestly discuss their beliefs and views of money to understand each other’s perspective and financial behaviours. A person from a humble background is likely to be more cautious with spending, while the one from an affluent background is likely to be more comfortable with it. Our upbringing greatly influences and shapes our financial attitudes but neither approach is inherently right or wrong.
Financial intimacy is key in alleviating conflict arising from unmet expectations. To address these issues, it is essential to understand the root causes of your spending habits. Perhaps the habits may have been cultivated by lack of responsibilities while single which has spiralled into marriage. Examining the triggers is the first step toward addressing the issue.
Some of the guiding questions to start you off would be, Is this a learnt habit? A lack of financial liability? Or a coping mechanism for trauma, stress, or anxiety?
Answering these, among other questions, can provide insights. However, the big question should be, do you genuinely desire change or are you doing it for your spouse?
If this is to be long-term and satisfactory, it should come from within, otherwise, over time feelings of frustrations and distress may build up from feeling caged and controlled, causing resentment towards your spouse and ultimately growing apart.
Understand your money mindset: How you relate to money is evident in how you spend it. The more value you attach to it, the more likely you are to utilise it wisely through planned spending, savings and investments, the opposite is true.
Budget together: Budgeting gives a clear guideline and directs how money is spent; what is a priority, what can wait, and what to cut on. Openly discuss your income, expenses, and financial goals. Allocate funds for shared expenses, savings and individual spending. As it stands, your spending is probably influenced by lack of a financial plan.
Consider a joint account while maintaining a personal one: A joint account may or may not work depending on many dynamics as it takes two to tango. If you take this route; the account can pool resources for shared expenses. Each person may contribute a given percentage depending on their earnings or the amounts agreed on. This might alleviate financial pressure on your partner.
Each of you can have a portion of money they can spend however they please without feeling guilty, this can be held in your personal accounts. This ensures the family is taken care of without neglecting yourself.
Plan for future: Since tomorrow is uncertain, set aside money for eventualities and rainy days. That way, you will cushion yourself against drastic changes that might arise from unfortunate events like job loss.
Seek Professional help: If your spending is trauma bound, therapy might help give clarity, initiate healing and support.
Remember, change takes time and effort. Be kind to yourself and embrace the journey towards financial literacy.
I wish you well in your journey towards financial well-being and a stronger relationship.
The writer is a risk consultant and can be reached via [email protected]
