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Beyond the boardroom: How chief executives practise love at home
From left: Anthony Mutisya, Executive Director of Laser Property Services; George Kebaso, Managing Director, East Africa at YaFibr; and Nicanor Sabula, CEO of the Kenya Association of Travel Agents, share how they celebrate love and family beyond the boardroom.
To love someone is to want to please them — even when you struggle to do it. For many CEOs, conditioned to think in terms of optimisation, targets and deliverables, Valentine’s Day might seem almost antithetical to their wiring. The annual furore can feel like a disruption to carefully laid plans. Yet love, unlike business, resists optimisation.
BDLife reached out to a few chief executives to pry, gently, into their private lives. How are they spending Valentine’s Day? Has their definition of love evolved over the years? And if their spouses were to buy them a gift that truly reflects who they are, what would it be?
Each, in his own way, has made plans, because this day matters.
Anthony Mutisya, the executive director of Laser Property Services, contends that apologising in love is harder than apologising in business.
“At work it's quite official, probably because there are no feelings involved.”
Over the years, his definition of love and relationships has changed, shedding the zeal and zest of youth for a more mature and percolated kind of love. When it comes to love, particularly in marriage, Anthony looks at it purely from the Biblical perspective.
“The man is called to love the wife as Christ loved the church, and that means you should be willing to die for your spouse.”
It is a calling and not as easy as it sounds, he clarifies.
He credits a book by John Piper, This Momentary Marriage, for deepening his understanding of sacrificial love. More importantly, he has learnt intentionality, especially in a world constantly competing for his attention.
“I’ve had to put structures in place to check in on friends and family,” he says. The lesson, he admits, came from his wife, who plans picnic dates with friends and nurtures her relationships with care.
As for Valentine’s spending?
“In addition to flowers? That is the bare minimum. And dinner.” This year, they are celebrating on Friday to coincide with a church dinner event.
“I’ve made arrangements for the gifts. We are not travelling out of town...we have just come from January, you know haha!”
If love had a balance sheet, he knows his debt column would be highlighted in red. And what gift can his wife get him that shows she has truly captured the essence of who he is
“A big wall hanging of the men who built America,” he says. “There are five of them. Cornelius Vanderbilt, John D. Rockefeller, Andrew Carnegie, JP Morga, and Henry Ford. I find those men very inspiring.”
Every week is Valentine’s, so says George Kebaso, Managing Director, East Africa at YaFibr. He gets his wife flowers every week. “It doesn’t hurt that my wife loves flowers in the house.”
But, he also shows his skills in the kitchen once in a while. “It’s the little things.”
His favourite meal to whip up is coconut fish. “I make very good prawns and Italian stuffed chicken with ham and garlic.” The only thing he doesn’t touch is ugali, unless it is brown ugali, which he says is the family silver, handed down from his mother.
As for love, he considers three things: “Love is appreciation, it's respect, and it's deep emotional connection. You have to enjoy your partner, your relationship, and that includes your family members.”
For Valentines, he says, “Anything goes. There are times you can do something special, where you blow a hole in the budget. Sometimes, when there is a snake in your pocket, you appreciate it in small ways.
“This Valentine’s Day, I put everything into a little wedding we are going to in Stellenbosch, South Africa. It’s going to be some quality time for us,” he says.
His coolest love trick, the Kebaso moxie, is a touch of humour. “Especially dad jokes.” In his relationship, he is optimising family time. “I've managed to create a good window of family time, so I've optimised my working pods to make sure there is a balance, and I have time with my children.”
What is something unromantic he does to keep the engine of his relationship purring? “Let me go ask my wife, haha!”
He lists walks and playing tennis as some of the activities they do together, to complement their golf time. If he were to play Cupid, he says, now is when they would be discovering each other’s design tastes.
“Last month we did our courtyard, and we are learning each other’s creativity space and how we can accommodate each other.”
What gift would capture his essence? “I really appreciate the coffee and meals she prepares for me. And making sure the pillows are fluffed before we go to bed.
I am not an easy person to live with, because I like my things done in a particular way. But over the years, the children have forced me to relax. I never liked seeing the pillow on the floor, or one shoe next to the door, everything had to be proper, but nowadays, Kemunto, my daughter, she has softened me. I can’t get angry or shout anymore, haha!”
Nicanor Sabula can’t stop laughing. The CEO of Kenya Association of Travel Agents has been married for 19 years.
“I am not one of those hopelessly romantic men who go crazy because it is Valentine’s,” he says.
“I acknowledge it just as a day that everybody gets to focus on those they love, including their parents, siblings or colleagues. I do participate in Valentine rituals.”
Rituals? Like what? “Every Valentine,” he says, “I try to get a package for my lovely wife.
“I tell her she means the world to me…what we’ve built together, how my life would never be the same without her. I say it because it’s true.”
He also takes his two daughters out on Valentine’s dates. “So that when they grow up, they’ll know how it feels to be loved.”
Does Valentine's mean more to him now than when he was younger?
“I was more creative and enthusiastic when I was younger,” he admits. “My wife will tell you I’ve lost a touch. I’ve slackened in the latter years.
The evolution, he says, is not about caring less, but loving differently. “She still wants to be loved the way she was 20 years ago. It’s me who has changed.”
What does his wife value more, presence or presents? “Presents. She is a giver herself, and she does so generously. She doesn’t mind presence, which I still give her, but presents just impress her more.”
He, however, remembers a Valentine’s faux pas he once made. “I forgot to celebrate last year’s Valentine’s Day. I got swamped the whole day and forgot to buy flowers or call her, then showed up at home empty-handed. That is a mistake I don’t want to repeat.”
And what gift would show she understands him completely?
“A pair of shoes, haha! “I never get the size right whenever I buy shoes, but she always knows the right size and soles to buy. She is my soul mate,” he says, then laughs at his own joke.
