“When will I afford marriage?” This has become the quiet question many young professionals, some who are earning six-figure salaries, are asking themselves as they plan their financial futures.
Kevin Karanja, a 37-year-old finance professional, is not married despite having a steady job, decent income, and investments.
“What keeps me from marrying is the fear of being unable to provide adequately,” he tells the BDLife.
He says the cost of private schooling rises each year, public schools remain overcrowded, and healthcare can wipe out savings unless one has top-tier insurance. Housing poses another dilemma: either one has to pay high rent in Nairobi or take on a mortgage that ties one down for decades.
“I’ve seen men my age who married and ended up in endless financial strain, doing two or three side hustles, arguing constantly about money, and growing resentful,” he says.
“For me, it’s not fear, it’s responsibility. I want to enter marriage when I know I can offer stability, not just survive from paycheck to paycheck.”
For now, he is focused on growing his wealth portfolio, diversifying income streams, and creating buffers.
Elsewhere, Brian Mwangi, a 33-year-old IT consultant based in Nairobi, is also in the same boat. He often feels caught between personal ambition and cultural expectations that still define success through having a family.
“I’m at a stage where career growth demands long hours, further studies, and constant reinvention,” he says.
“Yet whenever I go home, the conversation quickly shifts to when I’ll marry. What people don’t see is that starting a family in Nairobi is an expensive undertaking. Rent alone consumes a large chunk of income, transport costs rise every year, and building my savings feels like climbing a hill with a backpack full of stones.”
Mr Mwangi adds that he also fears piling debt just because of marriage. “I have friends who married straight out of university, and they’re already drowning in loans, from buying furniture to paying hospital bills to car repayments. They’re constantly stressed, and it affects the relationship. I’d rather hold off until I’m sure I can build a household without being in crisis mode every month.”
At 28, Clifford Koome is also still weighing his marriage options. A project coordinator with a real estate company in Diani, he says he has reached a point in life where “things are finally starting to make sense”. He never used to picture himself as the marrying type, but with age and experience, wealth aside, he says, the idea of companionship has taken on a new meaning.
That longing, he says, became clear during a bus trip from Meru to Mombasa, when he realised he had no one to text that he had arrived safely.
“Life gives you abundance, but at the end of the day, you want someone to share it with,” he says.
He admits financial worries have delayed his decision, particularly the thought of raising children. He worries about whether he would be able to provide for school fees, healthcare, and the kind of stable environment he believes a child deserves. “I want to be in a position where the next sickness doesn’t throw us off balance, where savings don’t disappear overnight,” he says.
He believes no man should walk into marriage without some level of financial preparedness. He stresses the importance of multiple income streams in today’s economy, calling it “dangerous” to rely on a single paycheck.
Hillary Oluoch, 34, the director of Bobhill Glazing and Facade Systems, speaks candidly about why he has held off on marriage despite valuing it deeply. With a background in Agricultural Economics and now pursuing a Master’s degree in Data Analytics, he describes himself as still in the process of building financially, career-wise, and mentally.
His construction business relies on contracts that are irregular, making his income unstable. Coupled with the high cost of living, he says, taking on the responsibility of a wife and children without a steady financial footing would be reckless.
“Marriage needs stability. I don’t want to take someone’s daughter and lead her into suffering. I want my children to have the best education I can afford, and to grow up with a father who can provide shelter, food, and clothing without struggle.”
The financial weight doesn’t end there. Cultural expectations around dowry and weddings, he says, also keep many men like him from marrying early.
“You’ll be asked for two or three cows, sometimes over Sh100,000, and the cost goes up depending on the woman’s level of education. Then there’s the wedding venues, catering, event planners, all of it. These things don’t come cheaply, and at the end of the day, it’s the man who is expected to shoulder the bulk of it.”
For now, he is growing his savings. “Love is important, yes, but love alone won’t pay school fees or put food on the table. Finances act as the catalyst for love. Once I have stability, then I will be confident to marry. Until then, I see myself as still preparing for that responsibility.”
But what do experts say?
Naomi Kihuga, a financial advisor and wealth management consultant, frames the hesitation many Kenyan men feel toward marriage as less about romance and more about risk. To her, the decision to marry is not simply about paying dowry or hosting a wedding—it is a lifelong financial contract.
“From a wealth management perspective, marriage is seen as a long-term financial commitment,” she says. “It is not just a ceremony or bride price. It’s children, school fees, medical bills, and sometimes even supporting extended family. When income is unstable, savings are low, or debts are high, men tend to delay marriage because they are trying to avoid taking on risk that could threaten their future family’s stability.”
She points to the big-ticket expenses that weigh heavily on men: dowry negotiations that can run into hundreds of thousands, cultural expectations of lavish weddings, securing housing, and preparing for children’s education.
“Families expect a big event. At the same time, a woman may have her own expectations—better schooling for the children, a comfortable lifestyle. Add in medical and emergency costs, plus the obligation to help parents or siblings, and the financial burden grows even heavier,” she explains.
Ms Kihuga also notes that compared to earlier generations, today’s men face a tougher landscape. “Back then, extended families or community networks absorbed more of the cost. Education and healthcare were cheaper. Now, men are navigating gig work, contract jobs, and rising inflation. Planning for marriage has become more complex and expensive.”
Grace Achoki, a marriage and relationship coach, agrees that the delay in men marrying today is closely tied to finances.
“Yes, men are taking longer to settle down,” she says. “They want to be more prepared financially, especially now that women are doing well in their careers. Many men feel scared because they’ve been socialised to think they must be the providers. To marry a woman who is already doing well, they feel they must catch up first. This generation wants to start life on a higher ground than the previous one — buying a car or a house before committing to marriage. Marriage, unlike before, is not always a priority.”
Ms Achoki adds that financial responsibilities beyond personal upkeep are contributors. “Some men are supporting siblings’ school fees or their own education. Others simply think it’s too expensive to take care of another person. Some don’t even have a clear picture of what marriage entails.”
Her advice for men who feel financially unprepared? “Work with what is in your hands. The right woman will meet you where you are, as long as you are hardworking. Leadership matters; a woman wants a partner who is responsible and present. You can have all the money in the world, but if you’re missing in action, it won’t matter.”
Is there an ‘ideal salary’ for marriage?
Monicah Mwaniki, the co-founder and CEO of ArvoCap Asset Managers, says there’s no single figure that defines readiness. “Frankly speaking, there is no ideal salary for marriage,” she says. “What people call an ideal salary is really just a plan behind that perception.”
She says that one person’s calls for “financial readiness” may be shaped by personal history. “A man who grew up seeing his family evicted may feel he’s not ready to marry until he owns a home,” she says. “But his partner may not consider that a priority. Readiness is personal, and couples need to define it together.”
Ms Mwaniki, a certified investment and financial analyst, believes that what matters most is a couple’s net financial position, not their pay slips.
“You look at your combined cash flows, your living expenses, any debts you’re servicing, and your future goals as a couple,” she says. “If two people are compatible, they can start with what they have and align their lives towards that reality.”
“Being financially ready means having clarity on what you want, protecting what you have, and creating stability,” she adds.
She emphasises that communication and transparency are key. “Most couples fail not because they lack money, but because they lack clarity about what money means to them,” she says. “How do we handle debt? What is our emergency fund, and what counts as an emergency? These conversations may sound uncomfortable, but they save relationships later.”
As a sociologist by training, she draws a link between financial behavior and socialisation. “Some people are raised to believe money is meant to be kept, not spent. Others see it as an enabler or something scarce. When two people with different money worldviews come together, clashes are inevitable unless they have open conversations.”
The irony, she adds, is that even those who earn well sometimes postpone marriage for other reasons. “Some men who are financially stable delay marriage because they struggle with delayed gratification,” she says. “They’ve grown used to spending freely; changing cars, flying out on weekends, and fear that marriage will limit their freedom.”
From a psychological standpoint, she says those who say they cannot marry because they are not financially ready may be fearing losing financial control. “Marriage introduces accountability. Suddenly, someone is saying, ‘No, we can’t buy that car right now,’ or ‘Let’s prioritise something else.’ Many men aren’t ready for that level of joint decision-making.”
Then there are those who finally marry after years of saving, only to fall into new traps. “You’ll see lavish weddings and heavy spending on furniture or flashy cars right after the wedding,” she says. “That’s where trouble starts. The wisest planning is to put money back into income-generating or wealth-protecting assets.”
She advises couples to develop a family investment policy statement, a simple document that outlines their financial priorities. “It helps families decide where to invest, which expenses to avoid, and how to protect wealth,” she explains. “It’s a structure that brings discipline.”
So how should couples talk about money before marriage? “First, establish chemistry,” she says. “Then have candid, non-judgmental conversations about your money personalities. Are you both spenders? Is one a saver and the other a risk taker? Understanding that early prevents chaos later.”
Transparency, she insists, is non-negotiable. “There must be full disclosure of income, assets, and debts,” she says.
“Discuss your future goals, where you’d like to live, and whether you’ll have joint or hybrid accounts. In African families, they also disclose obligations, siblings you support, ailing parents, so you plan realistically.”
