When you ask Devendra Asher about family, he lights up and sits up. His smile, usually reticent and unassuming, will stretch across his face, pulling it to the edges. Why is family so important to him? “Because what’s it for?” he asks. “If not for family.”
It’s the most basic tenet of life. Society is just different families. A country is just many societies—many families. And the world can be unforgiving, a callous master that would destroy its vulnerable without any tinge of guilt. Mr Asher knows a little about the world too. He has been all over it, leaving home at the age of 24, forever a student of life, trying to figure out his journey. He speaks about it a lot—not leaving home, the journey. It’s how he found himself in Kenya, managing the Panari Group. Enjoy the journey, he says. Don’t focus on the destination, he adds. It’s fridge magnet wisdom, but it is wisdom.
At the Panari Resort in Nyahururu, he talks about finding a home in Kenya, speaking philosophically like a Zen Master, or like an orangutang trying to decipher the Rosetta stone, a man burdened with discovering the meaning of life, of family, of his journey.
What makes you, you? I started my career in Mumbai, India. I am a professional chartered accountant. It is my passion for hospitality that has kept me in this industry for the last 18 years.
What’s the one lesson in accounting that has guided you till today in hospitality? Every day is a learning process. There are different experiences, good and bad. And that is what grows you.
What do you do when things get tough? This is a high-pressure job. You need to be calm and have peace of mind.
How do you do that? Relaxation, meditation, and yoga help early in the morning.
What do you do just for you? I like to have a good time with my children and wife and just chill. I love being on a golf course, with my children sometimes, and travelling. I explore new places.
What is the one place you’ve gone to that has stayed with you? London. You enjoy walking on the streets and exploring.
How’s it like being a father on these sides? I have two sons. It is not easy but each parent plays a key role. The kids need guidance from the father.
How are you raising your children differently from how you were raised? My children are 13 and 9 and they are already travelling globally for competitions. I first travelled when I was 24 haha! We are exposing them to passions and interests that excite them. For example, now they are into robotics and world scholars. We are seeing changes in them.
Do you have a special ritual you do between you and them? We have a me-time where they can tell us whatever they are feeling. We treat each other like friends.
What’s the hardest conversation you’ve had with them so far? Wow. Sometimes they go out of the way in terms of anger, so we try to calm them down and make them realise how to react. Emotional intelligence. That is the hardest part.
What do you miss most about your childhood? A lot. I miss being with friends without stress and exploring places. The times have changed but I miss childhood friendships.
Do you have a special memory from your childhood that is a good representation of your life now? Getting my professional qualification has been quite hard. There is always a right time to sacrifice certain things, I used to study for up to 16 hours. That hard work is paying off now. When it is time to hit the road and get things done, you have to get things done.
What would you teach your father about fatherhood? He has been very supportive, a strong point in my life. Even when I wanted to come to Kenya, no one else supported me except him. I told him I wanted to explore and he gave me strength—even in my studies, he stood by and allowed me to do what I wanted.
What was the fork in the road moment that pushed you to come to Kenya? When you are young you want to explore things. The opportunity presented itself to me, but only because I was qualified. The owners of Panari were looking for a fresh face, and I took it, and 18 years later we are still here.
What was the first thing you did when you came here? Understanding the people. I had no relatives or friends. I was young and unmarried so I dedicated my time to the hotel.
You met your wife here? No, we got engaged before I came.
How was that conversation about moving to Kenya with her? Hee! Haha! Very difficult. We had not told my parents so we had to declare: first I am travelling, then I want to get engaged before I travel. I was mentally ready to commit. We got engaged 10 days before I travelled. She is here now.
Why do you think she said yes to coming to Kenya? I think she loved me haha!
What’s your favourite part about yourself? Maybe I am too emotional about my family. They say that is not a good thing, but I disagree. I know where to draw the line but if I can do something for someone and within my means, I will.
It is the Christmas season, what are your plans? We try and go to explore new cities during this season. I was in Dubai last year.
Are you an Airbnb or a hotel person? Because the children are still young, I am a hotel person. When we go for long holidays, perhaps we do Airbnb. This year we are here as of now. But anything can happen.
Do you live your life by any particular mantra? I take everything as a learning experience, be it good or bad. Every day is a learning process. Where do you want to go? Take everything on that journey as a lesson, but keep your focus. And always dream big.
What is your insecurity as a man? Mmh. Losing a loved one.
What do you think most people have but do not appreciate enough? Whatever they have. Because that is what is there. If you have a family you should appreciate—people are chasing money and fame but we should appreciate whatever little we have as we head to what we want.
Why is family so important to you? We live here for family. You can be successful but if you have no family to share it, then that does not make for me a life.
What would you like your family to remember you for? Love and guidance. You want to love them but not spoil them so that they can stand on their own and be financially and emotionally independent.
If you could teach the world one thing, what would it be? Financial independence. They can make their own decisions, and choose their life paths—no need to depend on anyone’s approval.
What is a difficult lesson you have learned about money? Sometimes we are too emotional about money [chuckles]. You get carried away and flow with the situation. I have learned to control that. For men, we tend to do that…
For example? Buying things for the children and when you see the mom on the other side she is very firm on saying no haha!
What is the dumbest thing you’ve bought? Wow! Many things haha! When I am on a business trip, I end up buying things for the family and sometimes I don’t get the right size or the right tones…these beauty products man! You have to make decisions on your own and then they end up not using it [chuckles].
What matters way less than you thought it would? Growing at a very fast pace. For you to sustain and stay strong you need to get exposed and learn to be patient as you grow. The right time will come, and that is the only thing that will sustain you where you are.
What is a misconception people have about you? I have learned and don’t care what people think about me because if you start thinking about what people think about you, you won’t move. When people are complaining about you then maybe you should realise you are on the right path.
Can one have it all? No. You can have some things and miss some things. I have learned that you appreciate what you have, and what you don’t have, the time will come for it.
What is your idea of a good weekend? To go chill out with the family in a new restaurant and explore new cuisines—Italian, Mexican et al. Nairobi has started doing that a lot with new activities like ziplining.
What have you finally come to terms with? Life goes on and nobody waits for nobody so start enjoying the journey. Don’t wait for the final destination. Enjoy your life the way it is.
What do you know that I should know? Life is short and I want people to explore. Go out of your daily routine. Your mind will expand and you will start thinking big. What you think are your obstacles, are very small when you look at the larger picture in life—there are bigger problems for people to deal with. Take life as a journey.
