The group of leaders Frank Kretzschmar and I invited sat in our usual circle to share personal stories on our latest theme: “Pattern interruption – moments of change of direction in my life”. We asked them to reflect on what caused them to do things differently from then on. Which events provoked them to reflect, and so to change to another level, another direction, another style, of thinking and acting?
When considering changing direction, we shared, that self-awareness and self-distancing help: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves,” said Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl. It is about our growth and our effectiveness.
Many give up shortly before the goal is reached. Why is that? We need to ask ourselves how finite our strengths are. Are they adequate for the challenge? Should we continue engaging or disengage? Advance or retreat? When do we stop? When do we let go? What are the opportunities and risks associated with not letting go and letting go? The decision either way will make a difference to what kind of life we lead. And also to our legacy.
So, the stage was set, and around the walls of the room as always Frank and I had displayed some flip-charts with appropriate quotes. Here’s another one from Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
And here’s a stimulus from Oprah Winfrey: “One of the hardest things in life to learn is which bridges to cross and which bridges to burn.” I really liked this one from Andrea Goeglein: “The thing about perspective-changing events is that they usually don’t announce themselves as such.”
And this one by Hayley Williams: “Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you stand.”
One can never avoid Winston Churchill: “To improve is to change: to be perfect is to change often.” And, Albert Einstein: “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” Plus a final trio, first from Harrison Ford: “We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance”; then Alan Watts: “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance”; and finally this African proverb: “Smooth seas do not make skilful sailors.”
Get the picture? Started reflecting? Those in our Leaders Circle got straight down to it, telling us about the impact of a serious illness, the loss of a father, the sudden change of career, all turning difficulties into developing strengths and opening up new opportunities.
“It is when we are disrupted and under pressure that we are at our best,” we heard, “needing to detach and be self-aware.”
Like me, one never planned to be in Africa, fearing he would be condemned to a linear existence with a large corporation back home; another realised how much there is to learn from Africa and to take back to Europe; and a couple were inspired by the leadership roles played by their ancestors, including in pre-colonial times.
One takes us back to 1956 when he was fourteen years old in Canada. To fund the purchase of his ice-hockey kit he took to delivering newspapers, tending only to read the sports pages. That is, till he learned about the Hungarian Revolution and then the Suez crisis, which led him to take an interest in the front pages too.
This is where his lifelong passion for peace-keeping began. Another member is in that space too, telling us that too often despite everything one tries no change ensues.
The Maasai among us, tells us he once lectured about his Maasai values and sense of community at Lancaster University. “Who needs certificates?” the admiring listeners asked.
I spoke about my exposure as a fresh graduate to the Iowan ‘Positive Mental Attitude’ – a contrast to my Jewish Romanian upbringing, with its exception reporting on just my shortcomings. When I was growing up at home I was the shamba boy, car-washer and evening dish-washer, and all this was taken for granted.
In just a few hours we learned so much from each other. We felt energised and challenged to take greater advantage of the disruptions in our lives. How about you?
Mike Eldon is chairman of management consultancy The DEPOT, co-founder of the Institute for Responsible Leadership and member of KEPSA Advisory Council. [email protected]. www.mike-eldon.com
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